BPD & Life

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The struggle of living with borderline personality disorder can get very real some days. As if it isn’t enough to struggle with feeling empty, having no identity, feeling a need to harm yourself and having extreme fear of abandonment, BPD almost always has other mental illnesses co-existing with it. For me it’s PTSD, severe anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder with psychosis.

The mind is an amazing thing and can do things beyond imagination. Unfortunately, when dealing with mental illness it can also be destructive. It can become so overwhelmed by the racing thoughts and emotions that it can cause the body to break down. It is not uncommon to have someone with BPD have an assortment of physical ailments. In my case I live with quite a few ailments, including chronic pain syndrome, fibromyalgia, migraines and non-epileptic psychogenic seizures.

I am a believer that the harsh medications required to help control the psychosis, overwhelming emotions and depression help in the breaking down of the physical body. It’s a catch-22, really, since you can’t function in the most basic of ways without the meds, but the meds make you ill. So what can be done about it?

Since 2011, I have been in therapy and groups learning skills to cope with thoughts and emotions. I still attend therapy, see a social worker and attend a Dialetical Behavior Therapy group, which is and intensive therapy plan to give a person very strong skills to better regulate their emotions and thoughts. I am still on all my meds but I have been able to cut back on the frequency of my anxiety med, which is a benzodiazepine.

I have hope for the future. I may never be rid of my mental illness but I will see my skills progress to a point where I don’t need so much medication. I have already overcome obstacles I thought not possible, even to where I am putting some of my writing on a public site. My childhood traumas don’t get to control my life any longer. I am just an average person and being willing to work toward a recovery has been showing success. This is true for anyone. Don’t settle any old thing life hands out. You have the power and ability to change your reality.

To quote one of my professors, “You can do it, SO DO IT!” =}

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