The flames are burning brightly, but they hide behind dull eyes.
You’ll never see the passion, her perfect mask is a disguise.
As the wind blows across her face it messes up her chestnut hair.
It teases and tangles it all around, much like the chaos inside of her.
She laughs up to the sky, knowing the day will soon bring rain.
Her blue eyes now shine so brightly, for this coming storm she cannot wait.
The lightning will soon strike her, the thunder will send her flying,
into that world of make-believe, where all the creatures fly.
The tickle of her wings growing is almost too wonderful to bear,
for soon she will be safe from all who dwell down there.
No longer will they hurt her, no longer will she care,
she has earned her wings, this angel in the air.
2011…The year I was diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, severe anxiety disorder and major depressive disorder with psychosis. I always believed I had a relatively normal life with normal mental health, I managed to work, raise a child (with his father, have to give those good parents credit), live on my own, pay my own bills and overcome any adversities that were in my path. I had some regrets, like not attending college, but I was not unhappy.
It all began with a nightmare I was having early one morning. I woke from the dream and could recall what I was dreaming about…then I realized the dream hadn’t stopped. It was a memory from when I was a child, just three years old. I was defiled and deflowered by two teenage neighbor boys who were always extremely mean to me. Memories have continued off and on still to this year, but now through therapy, support groups and DBT I have learned skills to begin not just taking my life back, but building the life I always wanted and should have had the courage to attain at a much younger age.
Now that the boring beginning is out…this will be my space for my thoughts, sharing some of my journaling, poetry, short stories and lyrics. I have always had a love for words so I was easily persuaded to begin to share them. I hope you will find something that resonates with you and if you find something that helps you in the smallest of ways I will be thrilled beyond all compare! Welcome to my thoughts…by the way, I’m the sister in the center.